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Are Single Black Women Too Independent?

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Too sure of themselves, too eager to express their opinion (and dis yours), too unwilling to listen and be submissive? Are today's black women even capable of 'following' a strong black man? For all my single brothers out there who have asked me these questions many times – this article is for you.

First, let's deal with the first question – Are single black women too independent? My answer to this might surprise you – I think, in many ways, black women are too independent, but with good reason. To understand this dichotomy, you have to understand something about most single black women. Most single black women have a history of supporting themselves, holding down a job (or two), possibly raising children, attending school, taking care of household bills (probably with a house of their own) and helping out with other family responsibilities involving parents , grandparents and siblings.

In many cases they have handled these responsibilities without a strong or consistent male influence in their lives. Through miscommunication, death, neglect or abuse, many father-daughter, sister-brother, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships have gone astray, oftentimes leaving women to form a support network among themselves in order to get things done, bring order to their lives and accomplish those tasks that were once upon a time more evenly split between the two genders.

This has caused an epidemic of sorts in the single black community. Black women learned that in order to get things done, they had to rely upon themselves and began to do so with increasing success. As a result of this, black women learned that they didn't really 'need' black men the way they thought they did – for companionship, for leadership or for money and support. They learned to work and earn money for themselves, raise their children single-handedly, pay their bills, and get their own education, but these lessons came at a cost. And that cost was the sacrifice of a healthy relationship with their future spouses, boyfriends or lovers. So, yes, black women are sometimes too independent, but only because they had to be. In order to survive, in order for their children to survive and in order to make their lives work.

Are single black women then too sure of themselves, too eager to express their opinions, unwilling to listen or be submissive? Again the answer is – sometimes yes, sometimes no. Sometimes yes because single black women are usually pretty confident, pretty self-assured and pretty sure of who they are – especially once they've reached a certain age. And sometimes yes because I have seen a sister 'go off' on a brother for pretty much no reason at all, just to establish her dominance or control. And I have known many a good man who was being 'dogged' by his woman because he wouldn't stand up to her. But, sometimes no because most single black women are just waiting to meet a man strong enough to deal with them in the wholeety of their character. A …