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Really? The Wacky World of Meeting Women on the Internet

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I rejoined Match.com a few days ago. I've belonged to Match 4-5 times since the early 2000's. I rejoined because they have the largest database of potential partners. Before I came back to Match, I was on a couple of smaller "niche" dating sites, but they just did not have enough members to be effective in what is essentially a numbers game.

At this point, I've recently only "dated" one person I've met on a dating site. I was more interested in her than she was in me, and we wound up friends, but she woke me up, lightly cracking me open to realize how much I want a partner in my life. But since I can't yet speak to the dating part on internet dating this time around, this article is going to focus on meeting people. It will also be focused on a man's perspective but I hope it will be useful to women as well.

The last time I was on Match, my inbox literally blew up with over 90 responses to my profile in a couple of days, and that is happening again as I'm writing this. I don't attribute that to me being some kind of fabulous guy (although I think I am!). I think the real reasons my inbox blows up are twofold: One, as a professional writer and a men's and couple's counselor, I write a really good profile, and I'd like to think that's part of it, but I also think it's because I'm fresh meat.

Fresh, red meat. To quote the Eagles, " There's a New Kid in Town ." The ladies are aged, yes but there's a huge market of women 60 and older, divorced and widowed, that are looking for partners

I only need one. The right one.

Separated, Not Divorced

I don't just immediately jump in when a previous relationship ends. I've been married twice and my personal style is to get to know who I am as a single person again before I unfairly foist myself on a new potential partner. As a consequence, I'm somewhat amazed that a portion of the women who initiate contact with me are only separated, their divorces not yet finalized.

I can't help but wonder how someone can proceed to move toward another relationship before their current relationship is complete. It may be over, but it's certainly not completed and it's doubtful that such a person has had an opportunity to fully heal. It's just too fast. My experience supports the idea that these are people who can't bear to be alone, and they invariably wind up carrying the problems of the last relationship into the new relationship, creating a cycle of broken relationships. When I'm contacted by one of these women, I politely decline engagement as I'm not interested in dating someone who is still married. This is not a moral judgment. It's a discernment based on knowledge of how things usually work. Not always, of course, but who wants …