After watching one episode of The Simple Life, my middle school self was certain of one thing: A Juicy Couture velour tracksuit was critical for my happiness. Thus began my lifelong need to purchase things. My desire was only fueled by the fact that my parents wouldn’t let me have one. My dad would spend $50 on a life-size cardboard cutout of Legolas for me (and you know that my embarrassing ass pretended to dance with it), but not a tracksuit I could wear literally everywhere? Make it make sense.
Well, now it’s my time to shine because velour clothing and matching sweats in general are currently having a moment. The soft, cozy fabric is perfect for chilly WFH days, and this year’s iterations go light on the rhinestones. (Someone please tell me if sitting on the rhinestones that spelled “Juicy” across your butt was ever uncomfortable.) Shop nine pieces of velour clothing below.
Perfect for swanning about your apartment while you analyze the compatibility of your crush’s natal charts with your own out loud to your dog, whose face seems to say “not another fire sign, baby girl.”
Shop Now: Free People Harper Printed Long Sleeve Jumpsuit, $168
Right now I have no issues being seen outside my home to take my dog out in only a giant oversized sweater—and not in a cute Ariana way—and my tie-dye slippers. Buying all three colors of these sweats won’t cure the depression that’s led to this unfortunate situation, but it will at least give me a few more comfy reasons to put on pants.
Shop Now: Aerie Real Obsessed Velour Jogger, $28 (originally $40)
Camouflage how bloated you are from eating chickpea pasta for five days in a row, but maintain your melancholic disposition.
Shop now: Ninety Percent Oversized Velour Dress, $170
4. Softies Women’s Snuggle Lounger, $94
“You’re welcome” is a tired phrase that should stay where it belongs—in the ledes of 2015 women’s publications about the best sheet masks to take selfies in—but I’m bringing it back for a brief revival here because I’m introducing you to this blanket dress and you’re welcome. It’s soft and cozy and has a pocket for storing essentials like snacks and your ID to show to the person who is delivering alcohol to your house.
Shop now: Softies Women’s Snuggle Lounger, $94
These are great “post-orgasm but the ex you’ve been sexting hasn’t finished, so you go to the fridge and get the rest of your bagel sandwich to eat in bed while continuing the convo thankful that it’s not a FaceTime” sweats. I’m speaking in a purely hypothetical capacity, of course.
Shop Now: Suzie Kondi Track Pants, $195
Pretend things are normal for just a brief period of time in this soft high-neck tank.
Shop Now: Skims Velour Crew Neck Tank, $52
There’s an easy blue velvet joke in here somewhere, but I just can’t quite get there due to *gestures vaguely*.
Shop Now: Local Heroes Velvet Blue Shorts, $36 (originally $60)
The soft texture and jewel tone of this sweatshirt will look especially luxe in the selfies you post on Instagram, even if the reality is that you had to find a space in your apartment that doesn’t look like a cardboard box graveyard from all your impulse stress purchases.
Shop Now: Alo Layer Long Sleeve Top, $77 (originally 128)
There had to be Juicy Couture on here somewhere. These joggers, part of a collaboration with Kappa, are certainly more subdued than pairs with “juicy” spelled out in rhinestones on the ass, but still have a little bit of flair thanks to the embossed logos that cover them.
Shop Now: Kappa x Juicy Couture Eco Pant, $150
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