Behold, KLobstar’s epic thread about chowder-loving co-worker Matt

Illustration for article titled This Twitter thread about a chowder-slurping co-worker from hell is a thing of rare beauty

Photo: Stacy Zarin Goldberg for The Washington Post via Getty Images

Joy is a tricky thing, a rare and precious flower growing in the unlikeliest of places. Sometimes, it can be found in the scintillating mosaic of dew drops on the morning grass. At other times, in the simple majesty of a jaw-dropping sunset. And sometimes, dear readers, joy arrives in our lives in the form of a man slurping down chowder in an overheated movie theater projection booth, thinking about swords, and sitting near a sign that says “Matt isn’t allowed to speak about Star Wars.”

All of which is to point your attention toward the best novel we’ve read in months, i.e., the above Twitter thread from @KLobstar, recounting their long and storied experiences with “Matt,” a co-worker at an unnamed movie theater chain who sounds like the most amazing person on the planet, provided you do not have to be in speaking, smelling, or thinking range of him. The thread has (rightly) gone viral this weekend, and you really owe it to yourself to check it out; it’s a bit like A Confederacy Of Dunces, if Ignatius J. Reilly was overly obsessed with hacking his friends’ MySpace accounts, a wide variety of petty thefts, and getting into actual duels with the guy who runs the Magic shop at the mall.

And honestly, we’d post more excerpts, but we’re only really even writing this as a sort of public service announcement, telling you to go consume the complete thread yourself; you will be happier having met Matt, we assure you, and happier still, at the conclusion of the thread, that you do not know Matt more.

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