[Editor’s note: Spoilers for The Haunting of Bly Manor follow, as we present the internal monologue of Trayton “Tray” Bogdanovich, a guest at Flora’s rehearsal dinner.]
Whoo boy, that was some meal. And what a fun speech from that guy Owen, he seems like a cool dude. This wedding is going to be a blast, just gonna chill out in the parlor with some drinks for a bit. Huh. Couple of people here are giving that British lady weird looks, maybe because she showed up late? Oh shit, is she a wedding crasher?! That’d be nuts, man.
Ah, nope, Flora clearly knows her, they’re all talking about ghosts and junk, apparently this house they’ve rented for the rehearsal is haunted. Oh word, British lady is going to tell a ghost story! Man, I love ghost stories. I was thinking about taking off after I finish this drink, but I can hang around for a little bit. She looks like she can spin a good yarn.
Is it me, or is this lady taking a really long time getting to the ghosts? So far she’s spent five minutes describing a job interview and now they’re hanging out in a pub. Maybe the pub’s haunted? I dunno, she said something about two kids and a screw job or something, I’m betting one or both of the kids are total spook shows and they’re going to murder this governess so she can be their nanny forever. Oh man, I bet that’s it! Ok, it’s an open bar, I’ve got no place to be, I wanna hear the end. And besides, it’d be rude to duck out in the middle of the story.
Ooh now we’re getting somewhere. The kids are supes creeps and there’s clearly something fucked up going on with those dolls. I can sense this is a bit of a long haul, but Harry Potter ghost in the mirror? Governess locked in a creepy closet? Muddy footprints down the halls and a little girl’s cryptic warning not to leave your room at night? I. Am. Here. For. This.
Ok wait, is this a ghost story or the tale of a horny little boy? Because right now it seems like that second thing. I’ve been holding in a pee since she started telling us about the kid’s boarding school. If my bladder explodes waiting for an actual ghost to appear in this ghost story, I’m haunting this woman for the rest of her days, I swear to fucking god. Then she can tell the story of the Angry Piss Ghost at her next wedding, at least that one will be shorter.
I guess I appreciate that she’s trying to keep our attention, but it is weird how she ends every other scene by saying, “And there was a ghost standing way off in the background that none of them saw.” Starting to worry she just sprinkled some ghosts into her Downton Abbey fanfiction.
I just realized,